Postcards from Far Away

Why? I am, as usual, hanging on to something that has been over and done with for nearly eight months, and I have no idea how to let go.

This is the choice I made, and I know that it is the choice that will lead me to my goal: teaching English and history in Germany; staying in Germany long term, for the foreseeable future. Had I stayed on at WHG for another year, I would not have advanced towards this goal. I would have stayed in exactly the same place and probably would have been pretty bored. They would have given me the seventh graders again, and I would have been going absolutely crazy. Though, I would have been stronger about it this year. But I’m not there, so it’s no use talking in hypotheticals. 

This does not change the fact that I miss my school. I miss it so much that it hurts. I don’t think it’s just the people; I miss being in a school. I miss that sort of educational environment.

I don’t even know why I care. I don’t get it. I am approximately 15 minutes away from taking the pictures of my classes off my wall because I can’t stand to look at them.

Maybe I should have tapered off instead of just making a clean cut. That’s how doctors tell you to stop taking medicine.

I am 26 years old. One would think that I would have the emotional maturity to deal with this in an adult manner; however, it seems that my emotional development was stunted at some point in my life.

I think it would be good to stop being so hard on myself, too.

I don’t have time for this shit. I have to study. Right after I take those pictures down…